Thoughts on breaking up on Valentines Day

Actually I already knew. I wanted to save us so bad, I wanted to hold on to that idea of staying together forever. That idea of moving in together, having his babies and sitting together in our house when we’re eigthy and then I would hold his hand and tell him we made it.
Until I realised we’re so much better as friends. I realised that when we were friends, I actually had more fun and things were way less complicated. This realisation came about ten minutes after he said he wanted to break up, I knew that it was better this way. If it would have been my choice, I wouldn’t have done it yesterday, not on valentines day. But it wasn’t only my choice. Now it’s time to go back to how things were before all this, hopefully, we can go back to being ‘just best friends’.
I was missing him for a while already, like he was gone, he was there but not really. I missed his enthousiasm, especially that. I still don’t know if it was because of me, that absence of enthousiasm. But yesterday, it was there again. I knew he had doubts about our relationship for a while. He asked me if we could watch a movie just as friends on valentines day. For a moment it was just like then, that time when we were more than friends, but less than lovers.
When I look back at the whole thing we were always meant to be best friends. I find it weird when people talk about ‘more than best friends’ or ‘we’re just good friends’, I know, I also do it myself, but actually it’s weird to say, sometimes friendships are much more worth than a relationship. Our friendship is so much more worth to me than our relationship ever was.
The worst thing about this is when people react really shocked, when they say they didn’t expect it and ask me if I’m okay. I really hate that. Luckily, most of my friends know that and reacted with ‘ohh okay, well that’s a shame’.
I really think we should not complicate things. As long as you have a loving and wonderfull group of people you can call ‘home’, everything will be okay. We get hurt, we learn, we grow and in the end we still have lots of fun.

‘Every morning, we get a chance to be different. A chance to change, a chance to be better. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Get on with the future part.’

Love & Peace

Have a random life

I am sixteen. I am expected to make big life decisions and figuring out what I’ll be doing the rest of my life. At the same time, I am expected to ask one of my parents when I want to go out at night, I am expected to ask the teacher when I have to go to the toilet during the lesson. There are two things that really don’t match with real life in that situation. First one:

What does society want from us? Independency or obedience? Both, apparently, which is not really possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love school (that sounds weird) and I love the fact that we can have a bit of dependency and that we are taken care of. But this just seems weird to me. Second one:

There is no exact time where you have to figure out your whole life. You are already figuring out your whole life form when you where fourteen-something. You will always be busy figuring out your life, because you’re not going to do one thing in your life. You’re going to do plenty of stuff, at least, I hope you will, I hope you already did the craziest stuff you can imagine. Somehow, school thinks that when you choose to study psychology, you’re only going to do stuff that relates to psychology, which is not true at all. You will do stuff that has to do with love and friends and travelling and books and charity and drugs and yoga and whatever you want to do.

So please, have a random life, do random stuff, figure out your life while you’re living it. Don’t think the decisions you will make now will last your whole life, because you can do literally everything you want to do with this life.
Besides, life is about each other. that sounds way too sweet and soggy, but really, good people give you a good life. So most of all:

‘Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.’

Love & Peace

Words are weird

 

 I followed a piece of advice from the most awesome person living in this world right now: John Green. He said that when you want to do something, you should look at other people who do what you want to do but who do it better and listen to them. And John Green definitely does what I want to be or do, so I decided to listen to him. This post is partly inspired on John Green, partly on my also awesome but not as awesome as John Green teacher who teaches General Acknowledge of Nature. It doesn’t have to do anything with nature, or general acknowledge, it’s just some sort of philosophy of science, and it’s awesome.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about words. Because they’re weird. And I like weird stuff. But not too weird. Like my friends. There weird, but not too weird, like they won’t run around naked on the street or that kind of stuff.

Often when people are talking they are having complete different conversations. Like, you read this, but you might think this post is about oatmeal because you take things differently. When you think this post is about oatmeal: it’s not.

Words are weird because for lots of things there are no good definitions. Like what is good? What are things? Good are those things that are not bad. Things are those things you can touch, or not, and see, or not. I realised this when I had to answer the question ‘What is truth?’. My answer was long. Like one page or something. You can write a whole book about that question. But I’m not going to do that.

Every fight in the whole world is caused by the weirdness of words. For instance: if person one (we call him Peter) says ‘God, I really love oatmeal’ person two (we call him Vladimir) might take that as ‘God, I really want to punch you in the face’, Vladimir gets mad at Peter, Peter gets mad because Vladimir is mad, they’re both mad, they fight and they might blow up Germany or whatever, which is not good.

So what if there was a way to make words less weird and complicated and more understandable, that would solve a lot. Actually, if that problem is solved people can finally be nice to each other and world peace will be in reach :)
Maybe we should focus more on feelings than on words. Yeah, I guess I’m going to do that. Easier to be said then to be done, though.

On my way to awesomeness and a better world step by step!

 

Love & Peace

People that inspire me

Stay Strong | via Tumblr

I never liked the title of ‘best friend’, I don’t want to give one person the beloved title of ‘my best friend’. There are close friends, less close friends, and very close friends. I consider David as a very close friend. I like to dedicate this post to him, because he’s the best person ever and he’s an example of someone who makes me believe in humanity.

What I love about him is that he never judges you based on his first impression. He really tries to get to know you, regardless of how you look, how popular you are (I’m in high school so popularity means quite a lot) or what stories he heard about you.

As the quote says, I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they’ve been through. I love that he’s still himself after all he’s been through (cancer, bullied, heart defect, that kind of stuff, and yes, he’s only 16), he still chooses to shine and never hides himself away. He’s one of the few people I can talk to for 4,5 hours and not get bored, like we did yesterday. In those 4,5 hours there was one silence, it was the most not-awkward, loveliest silence ever.

He’s the kind of person who says ‘sorry’ first, even though everyone knows it’s not his fault.

He’s the kind of person who doesn’t get involved in the problems between me and my boyfriend, but only asks ‘Did he do something wherefore I should hit him?’.

He’s the kind of person who is vulnerable, but it only makes him stronger.

He’s the kind of person who will do anything for his friends, he will always be there for you, he has the biggest heart ever.

He’s the kind of person who doesn’t hide his past, but learns from it.

He’s the kind of person who brings you home when it’s dark, because he wants to make sure you come home safe.

Like yesterday, sometimes he just comes over at my place and we just talk. It clears my mind. I don’t even know how we came on the subject, but at a given moment the conversation went like this:

Him: ‘I don’t know if it shows, but I do have some perseverance.’
Me: ‘I know’
Him: ‘How do you know that?’
Me: ‘I don’t know, I just know that you have.’
Him: ‘That’s like the biggest compliment ever. You don’t know why, you just see it.’

I loved that part of our conversation yesterday best. It describes his beautiful way of thinking.

If I’m in love with him? No, I love him, and I love my boyfriend, in a different way. My boyfriend is one of David’s best friends and I’m also close with David’s girlfriend. I was in love with David for over a year, he knows that, we were almost something. The whole situation could’ve been different. We could’ve been a couple. But we’re not. And I still don’t know if we are supposed to be.

Him: ‘Maybe I still see us happen, someday.’
Me: ‘Me too.’

Maybe. Someday. Not now. Not in a month. But someday.

The reason why I’m posting this is because I want to show you why I believe in humanity. It’s because of these kind of people. If you have these kind of people in your life, cherish them, you won’t find a lot.

(PS: I changed his name. Partly because Dutch names are weird, partly because I don’t feel comfortable writing about people in my life with their real name.)

Love & Peace

Why are we fighting?

When I saw this quote, I finally realised the absurdity of war. Isn’t that weird? Everyone loves to help people, maybe you don’t want to help everyone, you certainly can’t help everyone, but I think every person has this instinct to do good things for other people. As government you should care about the people living in your country, so sending your only money to fight in war instead of feeding the poor seems so ridiculous to me.

Why are we fighting? This is the question I keep asking myself. There are so many good people in this world, good people that show us that kindness exists. When I look at my friends, I see the best people in the world, people that can make this world better. Everyone has got the ability to be kind. Everyone has got the ability to make someone happy and by that making this world better. So when you ever feel useless, remember that because of this, no one in the whole world could ever be useless.

‘Through all the challenges life may throw at us; let’s not forget that we are soul mates, companions, individuals, divinely fused together by the immeasurable power of love, and that we can get through it all as one’ – Steve Maraboli

I truly believe we are one and that we are bound by the power of love.

Love & Peace

The beauty of insecurity

Maybe my whole idea of a good life is an illusion. Maybe something as love doesn’t even exist, maybe we’re just a product of this world, an outcome, created with no purpose. Maybe we don’t have a soul, maybe we’re nothing more than our brain, that feelings are just things that our brains create. Maybe there is no difference between good and bad, it’s all just in our heads, which means there are no bad things, but it also means there are no good things. Maybe life has no purpose at all and we all end up in this enormous lump of energy we call universe, where none of our thoughts, emotions and achievements will ever matter again.

This could all be true. But would you want to know that? Would you rather live in an illusion than knowing the truth because you know you can’t handle the truth? If this is the truth, I’d rather live in an illusion. By that, you could say that I’m ignoring the truth. But what’s wrong with that? All that matters in this life is that you are happy, it doesn’t matter how or with what. If you are happy in your illusion of the purpose of life, why step out of that illusion? You don’t even know if your idea of the purpose of life is an illusion, you’ll never know for sure. I guess insecurity is also the beauty of life.

‘When nothing is sure, everything is possible’ – Margaret Drabble

By knowing that, there is this world of opportunities that lies ahead of you. Because everything is possible, anything could happen at any moment. I think that’s pretty amazing.

Love & Peace

Stuff that only happens to other people…

:) | via Facebook

 You know that stuff that only happens to other people? That doesn’t only happen to other people, I know now. It sounds really bad. My parents are spliting up. I’m 16 so I still live at home for two years. It sounds way worse than I feel it. People are now asking me if I’m okay and that kind of stuff. Of course I’m okay, I’m the happiest person you know, I don’t just break from these kind of things. It’s weird  that life just goes on the way it did before, it’s the same as it has always been, the only thing different is that my mom’s looking up appartments on the internet. It’s scary what a smile can hide. I did saw the break-up coming, I just didn’t saw my moms depression coming. Things will change, quickly, I know that and I’m okay with that, I’m okay with my mom moving out, maybe for two months, maybe for forever. She just needs to be alone, for how long is not sure.

I think it’s one of the most important things in life to accept change, and have willingness to change. Every single problem in your life is caused by change, when something good changes into something less good, it’s a problem. Once you fully accept change, problems don’t exist anymore. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and make things better. It just says you have to accept what you cannot change. And I know I cannot change this.

I’m not religious, but I think that you can handle every challenge that is given to you, otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten that challenge. It’s supposed to learn you something. I see that as something positive.

Life will always go on the way it did before, just different.

Love & Peace